Cool, me too.
If I’m being unashamedly honest with you, I have been wrestling with so much insecurity these past few weeks.
I’m not smart enough.
I’m not pretty enough.
I’m not (fill in the blank) enough.
Let’s just make a pact right now. If you hear me, or I hear you start a sentence with “I’m not” and end it with “enough” can we promise to just stop each other? Life just is hard already, let’s not add self deprecating talk into the mix of things.
The thing about insecurity is that it breeds more insecurity. It unsettles me, takes away any stability or support that I have. I start feeling off balance. When I’m feeling off balance, I do weird things that aren’t true to myself. I over react, over analyze, over confront, over dramatize, over think, I over compensate in an attempt to fill the hole of whatever I feel I’m lacking that is causing the insecurity.
So where does my insecurity stem from?
Why do I let it grow into more and more?
For me, insecurity all comes down to an identity thing. When I begin to feel insecure or unsettled it’s probably because I’ve placed my identity in something other than the Gospel (I think I heard someone say that, but I googled it and couldn’t figure out who). I’m not remembering that my ultimate worth isn’t in things that I perceive as making my life full, but instead it is in who Jesus says I am which is lovable and valuable and redeemable. He knows my whole heart, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Brennan Manning says, “When I go to church I can leave my white hat at home and admit I have failed. God not only loves me as I am, but He also knows me as I am.” It’s that concept of being fully known, and fully loved. It’s so freeing knowing that God see’s the depth of my depravity on the inside more than anyone else in my life, yet at the same time loves me more than anyone else in my life. I don’t have to impress Him, because I can’t and that’s totally ok. Manning continues, “Because of this I don’t need to apply spiritual cosmetics to make myself presentable to Him. I can accept ownership of my poverty and powerlessness and neediness”
My insecurity looks like me trying to apply spiritual cosmetics to the areas that are breaking out in my life. I can’t control them, so I’m gonna try to cover them up and forget that they are there. The thing about cover up though, is it’s eventually gonna wash off and everything is going to be exposed. It’s those reactions to the exposure that is going to define me as a person, that’s going to test on where my identity lies and how much I am going to look to Jesus instead of just trying to scrounge up more cover-up.
I read this book called So Long Insecurity. Embarrassingly enough I was too insecure about reading a book about insecurity that I took the book sleeve off it so nobody would know. My girl Beth (I met Beth Moore once for 30 seconds, so she is my girland we’re on a first name basis) defines insecurity as not being secure. An earth shattering concept, huh? But it actually is!
It’s comforting because Beth says that all you have to do to be insecure is to be born, it’s not a Madi thing, it’s a human thing. It’s a normal struggle we’re all going to have to deal with, whether it’s a seldom or regular theme in your walk. Beth talks about how we combat insecurity by being secure in God, the love he has displayed in us. Insecurity is self preoccupation, not seeing the world around you the way God see’s the world around you. Not leaning into the love God displays and gives, and not giving it or displaying it yourself. It’s a really good read, and I’m pretty sure you can buy a used copy for like $4 on Amazon. So if any of this resonates with you, check it out.
In the end, fighting off my own insecurity comes down to being secure in who God tells me I am, asking Him to grant me security.
“The Lord gives his people strength; the Lord grants his people security.” Psalm 29:11
He gives strength and grants security, I just need to start asking.
Anyone else struggle with this? What helps you refocus on who God says you are? Let’s talk about it!