Quarter Life Crisis
I know that typically you have a quarter life crisis at 25, but I really don’t want to live to be 100, so 22 seems like the perfect time to have mine.
Oh, did I mention I’m gonna be 22 at the end of this month?
I love birthday’s. I’m a big proponent for the “birthday week.” Some (my sisters) might say it’s because I love being the center of attention, but I think it’s just because I love celebration. I love making someone feel special, and I love feeling special. I also believe that birthday’s are significant, defining days and moments of your life. I understood that more when I became an aunt. When my niece was born, she changed our family. Holiday’s have been more fun with her around, and facetime has become my favorite pass time (long distance aunt, here). Celebrating her first birthday is going to be so much fun because it’s going to be celebrating how she’s impacted our lives, how full she’s made them, and how much she’s changed us all. Isn’t that what birthday’s are about? Celebrating the impact that someone’s life has had on yours?
I’m always that annoying friend at the birthday dinner who makes everyone tell their favorite memory of the person we’re celebrating. Sentimental and mushy, maybe, but I love it. It’s a moment to pause and reflect. Two of my favorite things.
Pausing and reflecting seemed like a great thing to do today. As I approach another year of life, college graduation, and having no idea what I want to do next. Just a little identity crisis might help figure out what the stink I’m doing with my life. Today I spent a lot of time thinking about the first quarter of my life.
For the most part, I feel like I’ve been stuck at age 16 for awhile. I’m still trying to figure out how to apply eyeliner and make a u-turn without scarring my passengers. To my wiser, blog friends, does that feeling ever go away? Not the ineptitude of eyeliner and driving (well, maybe that too), but the feeling that you are still 5 years behind where you’re supposed to be? Do you ever really feel like a grown up?
On the flip side, I feel like time is flying past me. Turning 16 seems like another lifetime ago as my ambitions and maturity have grown and life moves along so quickly. My dreams have changed significantly, my relationships have grown, and I am not quite as loud or obnoxious as I was. Time has also moved faster, college has flown by way quicker than high school did. Someone told me that a year passes so slowly when you’re younger because it’s a larger fraction of your life. As you get older, the years get shorter because your concept of time does too.
1/11 of your life is a whole lot larger than 1/22.
When that idea landed in my head, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I get older, time gets quicker.
A lot of times we are told this lie that life is gonna slow down after college (or insert your next milestone here). I am working so hard to complete assignments, work, plan for post-grad, and sometimes the days seem like a long drawn out marathon of just trying to survive, but somehow the weeks are so short. It always seems like it’s Monday, amiright? The reality is setting in that life doesn’t slow down, if anything, I think it speeds up. As life hands you more responsibilities, birthday’s come quicker. Both a good thing and a bad thing.
Life moves so fast just doing regular things, then all of a sudden you’re at your quarter life mark and you have no idea how you got there. I question if I am fully living my life in a way that would bring God the most glory. Does my life and do my ambitions actually reflect the Lord? Am I using the time I have been given to make His name known?
Slow days, quick weeks, fast years.
Then it’s done. Over in a blip. Enter into eternity.
When I read this I felt instantly convicted,
Make me ambitious to please Thee even if as a result I must sink into obscurity and my name be forgotten as a dream. Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health, and even my life itself. Let me decrease that thou mayest increase, let me sink that Thou may rise above.” A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God.
I want the next quarter of my life to reflect that. I want my ambitions, likes, and desires to reflect an awe of my God. When I pause and reflect on my birthday 22 years from now, I want to see myself so differently than I see myself now. I hope the woman I am then reflects a huge God. May my speech, actions, and choices in this next quarter be in line with my God in His proper place of honor.
Has anyone had a quarter life crisis? Have you ever felt the conviction of moving your ambitions to be in line with the Lord? How did you handle it?